I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
