she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We need to get me chipped asap
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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