Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
