i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
