Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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