If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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