so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he fucked my hip out of place.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
