sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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