i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
