We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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