She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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