I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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