If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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