How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
false alarm, still single
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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