we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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