corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
