i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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