butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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