Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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