Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
