Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
