Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
