there was a trapeze. enough said
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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