Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
