Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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