saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
