Got a toothbrush?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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