I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
