so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
