is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
