He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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