Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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