R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
