I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
