You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
