my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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