We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
