I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
