my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
