good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
