the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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