that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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