apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The beer is more important than you right now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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