I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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