Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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