I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
