McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
