i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
