Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We smell like vodka and hangover
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