whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
