I just pynch a tree in the face
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
